"Men In Black III"
What is it about?
Agent J must travel back in time to 1969 to stop an alien who traveled backwards to kill his longtime partner Agent K. Along the way, he enlists the help of Agent K from 1969.
How are the top performances?
WILL SMITH as Agent J
Will Smith gives a Herculean effort to elevate this material. Not having been in a film since 2008 (the monument to shit, Seven Pounds and the better-than-it-had-any-right-to-be Hancock), he instantly reminds us why he is one of our biggest stars. His charisma shines through even as most of his jokes fall flat.
I must say, the fact that he does a 2nd sequel that nobody asked for (I didn't even bother to review the blip-on-the-radar Men In Black II), and yet turns down a (GASP!!!!!) challenging role in Quentin Tarantino's upcoming Django Unchained is very disconcerting.
What has a better chance to be a quality film out of the choices in front of Will Smith: A sequel to a shaky franchise that you started shooting without a script, the next M. Night Shyamalan movie (a man who hasn't been relevant since 2002) or the next sure-to-be-masterpiece from the best writer/director alive? Will: You don't make this look good. Even though you get an A for effort.
JOSH BROLIN as Agent K
Tommy Lee Jones is barely in this, so I'll focus on the man who gets more screen time: Josh Brolin as Tommy Lee Jones forty years ago.
It should be noted that Brolin does a sensational job as a young Tommy Lee Jones. His voice and southern drawl is so on point that some could believe Jones dubbed his voice over the performance.
However, the role is played incorrectly. This isn't Brolin's fault, it's the fault of a very confusing script that does a lot very wrong. I'll get into this more in a moment, but the problem with his performance is that a large portion of the script is dedicated to saying that we'll find out "why Agent K is so grumpy" in the future. Several times, Will Smith says "Man, what happened to you?" and Brolin replies "Hasn't happened yet."
So that is why Brolin should have played the role as a fun-loving, carefree, really cool guy. Instead, he plays Agent K as exactly the by-the-book, stern guy he is in 2012. So it left me saying "Hey, what are you talking about?! He's the same guy!" whenever Smith would say that. Although, this wouldn't even matter due to the major flaw in the script, which, again, I'll get to in the "Whiny Bitch" section.
What's any good about it?
There are a few genuinely funny moments.
I enjoyed the "Griffin" character who can perceive several different futures at once.
Will Smith having no patience for the battery-powered 1969 Neuralizer to charge up is pretty funny.
The two previous Men In Black films had endings that showed us a larger scope on life (the marbles in I, the train station in II), and this one does as well when K "forgets to leave a tip". Kind of cool, but eh.
Do you have any complaints, you whiny bitch who complains about everything?
Okay, first of all, we've been here before and done that.
The magic of the first Men In Black largely stems from us being in Will Smith's character's shoes. He is overwhelmed by the craziness around him, so are we, and Tommy Lee Jones acts as if everything happening is the most normal in the world.
So that is obviously lost here, and what we have is a simple sci-fi action movie.
However, the film ends in a scene many critics are calling "emotional", but had no effect on me because it makes no sense whatseover.
****MAJOR SPOILERS****
So, as I stated earlier, the whole point of the film is that they are traveling back in time and along the way they want to find out "why Agent K is so grumpy".
Earlier in the film, Will Smith mentions the following:
"Me and my dad used to play a game called Catch. Meaning I'd throw a ball at the wall and catch it myself because he was never there."
He makes it seem like his father was a deadbeat.
So flashforward to the end of the film, set in 1969. The alien jumps out to kill K, but a black guy shoves K out of the way and gets killed himself, as K then takes down the alien.
The black guy is Will Smith's dad.
So then a little boy comes out (obviously Will Smith), and asks where his daddy is.
Agent K neuralizes the little boy and says "I'm going to tell you the one thing you need to know about your dad...he was a hero."
And then he takes the little boy's hand and walks away.
What the fuck does that mean!?
Okay, so first of all, if that's what Agent K did the first time around, why does Will Smith look at his dad as a deadbeat who was never there? Second of all, after this happens, and Will Smith traveled back to 2012, he thanks K for all he did for him.
What did he do?! He told him his dad was a hero then vanished for the next 30 years. Huh?!
I figured they would show a little slideshow of how K was constantly looking out for Will as he grew up or some shit. But no.
It's definitely a bad sign when your "emotional" ending has everyone thinking "what the fuck was that about?"
****END MAJOR SPOILERS****
Best Scene
I suppose it has to be the really cool way that Will Smith uses time travel to win a fight.
Final Thoughts
You know what's kind of funny? I had incredibly low expectations for this going in, then all the reviews came in and were surprisingly higher than expected, so my expectations were raised, and now the movie comes out and it hits my low expectations instincts I had to begin with.
It's a net result of crap for a franchise that needs to die immediately.
And here's a newsflash too, "Lady Gaga is an alien" is a joke that effing Jay Leno would write.
Bobby Grade: D+
Great Quote
"Remeber, Red. Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."
Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins), The Shawshank Redemption
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