What is it about?
Snow White is re-imagined as a princess locked away in prison by an evil Queen as she revolts against her with the help of the Huntsman sent to find and kill her on the Queen's behalf.
How are the top performances?
KRISTEN STEWART as Snow White and CHRIS HEMSWORTH as The Huntsman
Film critic Rick Groen of Globe & Mail had the best line of the weekend on this: "There are many reasons to see Snow White and The Huntsman, though ironically not for Snow White nor the Huntsman."
Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth are bland as you can possibly imagine. They are not helped by a script full of banal, pointless dialogue, however, these are not stars who are good enough to rise above bad material. Chris Hemsworth can deliver a decent line (like a few scenes from The Avengers this year), but he has nothing to work with here and is rendered powerless. Kristen Stewart has arguably never been in a decent movie since Panic Room when she was 12 years old.
I'll give Stewart this: while her haters are correct about her bore-de-force performances, they are wrong about all the "why is the Snow White ugly and the Queen is hot" lines. She's a beautiful girl, just not a wonderful actress.
CHARLIZE THERON as Queen Ravenna
Now here is the star of the show. Charlize Theron, a former Academy Award winner for best actress, in case you forgot, and a serious threat to Kate Winslet's title of Bobby's Favorite Actress Alive, sinks her teeth into a role that would have made the film unwatchable if performs incorrectly.
Theron fearlessly throws herself into every line, relishing the most evil, hilariously over-the-top hateful delivery to each line of dialogue. Much like Johnny Depp in the original Pirates of the Caribbean, the entire film hinges on this character. Literally every scene she is in is gold, and nearly every scene she is on the bench, the film folds.
She is clearly up to the challenge and is arguably the reason to see the movie at all.
Theron fearlessly throws herself into every line, relishing the most evil, hilariously over-the-top hateful delivery to each line of dialogue. Much like Johnny Depp in the original Pirates of the Caribbean, the entire film hinges on this character. Literally every scene she is in is gold, and nearly every scene she is on the bench, the film folds.
She is clearly up to the challenge and is arguably the reason to see the movie at all.
What's any good about it?
Charlize Theron and the special effects. The sneering way she says "Mirror, mirror, on the wall..." sets the tone.
The special effects are quite beautiful and eerie. The dark forest is suitably gothic and creepy, and the enchanted forest is a delight of visionary excellence. It has a Tim-Burton-y quality to it, and when it comes to the look of a film, you can't get a much higher compliment.
The special effects are quite beautiful and eerie. The dark forest is suitably gothic and creepy, and the enchanted forest is a delight of visionary excellence. It has a Tim-Burton-y quality to it, and when it comes to the look of a film, you can't get a much higher compliment.
Do you have any complaints, you whiny bitch who complains about everything?
Yeah, quite a bit.
I can not stress how these two vegetables in the lead roles are held powerless by an especially shitty script.
There's a moment where Snow White is asleep and Hemsworth says "It's almost like you are going to wake up and give me even more grief". The line is delivered as if they have had 2 hours of witty banter by now. They've said maybe 20 combined words. Or if they've said more, none have been memorable.
Also, the film is hampered painfully by how deathly serious it takes itself. There is no humor here whatsoever. I understand it is not a comedy, but you need SOME kind of comic relief.
Nobody gives a shit about the uber-serious medieval revolt. It's fucking Snow White. You're telling me that you couldn't come up with any genuinely funny lines? There are seven fucking dwarves running around for God's sake, this isn't The Shawshank Redemption!!!
Also, the movie goes on until I'm in my late 30's and pondering why I spent the last 10 years of my life in a movie theater.
But Jesus Christ, Kristen Stewart is a shitty actress. And Chris Hemsworth has the physique of a pro wrestler, but not even the acting talent of one.
I can not stress how these two vegetables in the lead roles are held powerless by an especially shitty script.
There's a moment where Snow White is asleep and Hemsworth says "It's almost like you are going to wake up and give me even more grief". The line is delivered as if they have had 2 hours of witty banter by now. They've said maybe 20 combined words. Or if they've said more, none have been memorable.
Also, the film is hampered painfully by how deathly serious it takes itself. There is no humor here whatsoever. I understand it is not a comedy, but you need SOME kind of comic relief.
Nobody gives a shit about the uber-serious medieval revolt. It's fucking Snow White. You're telling me that you couldn't come up with any genuinely funny lines? There are seven fucking dwarves running around for God's sake, this isn't The Shawshank Redemption!!!
Also, the movie goes on until I'm in my late 30's and pondering why I spent the last 10 years of my life in a movie theater.
But Jesus Christ, Kristen Stewart is a shitty actress. And Chris Hemsworth has the physique of a pro wrestler, but not even the acting talent of one.
Best Scene
The poisonous apple scene is appropriately cool since you would think it is the flagship scene of the film. Again, thank Charlize for this one.
Final Thoughts
Visually appealing and containing a performance that strains to carry two shitty actors and a shittier script on its back, this isn't the worst film you can see this year. I mean, it's close. But not quite horrible.
Don't see it in theaters, but if you ever catch it on HBO at 3 am, stay for a few minutes for some great visuals, catch some of Charlize's work, and then mute it every time Stewart and Hemsworth open their mouths.
Don't see it in theaters, but if you ever catch it on HBO at 3 am, stay for a few minutes for some great visuals, catch some of Charlize's work, and then mute it every time Stewart and Hemsworth open their mouths.
Bobby Grade: C-
Great Quote
"Only two things scare me, and one is nuclear war."
"What is the other?"
"Excuse me?"
"What is the other thing that scares you?"
"Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands."
"What is the other?"
"Excuse me?"
"What is the other thing that scares you?"
"Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands."
--- Austin Powers (Mike Myers), Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
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